I love my older sister but she will not give that bag up. No, sir, the bag stays on her lap. From appetizer until dessert it's going to be sitting there all snug and well-fed. She says it's like a security blanket. I say there's nothing wrong with a little overspill on your waistband when you sit. That is perfectly normal. In fact I pity all those people who have never had a flab in their life. Because you know, flabs are there for a reason. Yes. There is a reason of some sort. Don't ask me what. Go away, you.
Aah. The pits. Look, not everyone has the luxury of keeping them completely hairless ALL of the time. Sometimes you forget that they're a bit stubbly. You wear your cool and airy sleeveless shirt and off you go and then you realize that today will have to be one of those days when your forearms will have to do all the work.
How about a round of applause for the permanent hand on waist, brought to us by the Starlets' School of Posing, now an affiliate of Phoenix University, enrollment starting soon? For TV hosts and red carpet celebs and regular women getting their picture taken, it truly is useful in minimizing your batwings. Forget about numbness and the feeling of pins and needles on your flesh. Nothing is more important than the illusion of toned arms.
I am not a stranger to tucking my stomach in. This particular concealment tactic is probably what I'm most guilty of. But I am also not a stranger to wearing an oversized top when I know there's food involved. In fact, from now on I'm not going to bother buying anything in extra small or maybe even small. I am done sucking my gut in. Yeah, no more oxygen deprivation. No more quivers in my abdominals from flexing those muscles. No more crazy eyes from trying to keep my gut safely tucked within my waistband. From this point forward my stomach will live a free life.
Go forth little one, unleash your jelly.
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