Clearance Items on this Rack

How do I say this nicely, about myself? Let's see...

Okay, there's no way so I'll just come right out and say it. I am kind of a cheapo. There. Now that that's out of the way I'd like to share my very brief Fall shopping list.

I would like a pair of rain boots. This is kind of puzzling but even though I've lived in rainy Seattle for almost 7 years now, I have never owned a pair of rain boots. Let's just say I've experienced quite a bit of flooding in my flats. Yuck, right? So this year, I want a pair that's similar to what Michelle Williams is wearing in this paparazzi picture. There's a Jeffrey Campbell Vee rain boot in black that looks great. They're about $50. I like that they look so easy to slip on as opposed to taller boots that might suffer from Gaping Mouth Syndrome and Pulled Pant Leg Disease.

Not only have I foolishly and consistently worn flats through the rain but I've done so in winter too. I want to make it up to my feet and get another pair of boots. I saw a pair of Zara lace-up wedges in black. Don't tell anyone but they kind of spoke to me. I think they said, oy woman, being broke ain't so bad. Buy me. But that short trip to Vancouver came and went and I never did spend the 99.90CAD on that pair. There isn't a physical Zara store here and their website is all, you're being punished for not buying so contact the webmaster to get a lecture against delayed gratification and wait until our online store is up.

Several blog posts ago I complained about my odd-shaped head and how hats just don't fit me. That has not changed. My skull is as small and lumpy as it ever was which means that hats are still a no for me. I do want one of those chunky knitted headbands that can stretch wide enough to cover your ears. Hey! it's a two for one: warm ears and no hat head, woohoo.



I would also like a new bag as I've pretty much used my favorite bag to death. I mean I've put a leftover, napkin-wrapped sandwich(or 2, or more) in there, 3 library books at the same time, two small shattered pieces from the car's rear light, a can of diet rootbeer, a bag of chips, etc, etc...

Some have complained that the Sofia Coppola-Louis Vuitton collab was boring but I really like this, or, realistically speaking, something that looks like this:



I want one of those larger bags with both an adjustable shoulder strap so you can wear it across your body, or not, and top handles. Being a sort-by-price-low-to-high kind of shopper, I would like one that's reasonably priced.

By reasonable I mean affordable. By affordable I mean cheap. And by cheap I mean I'll probably still be using my current bag for a few more months.




*Prada Fall 2010 headband, Sofia Coppola and Louis Vuitton SC bag

The Art of Concealment

I love my older sister but she will not give that bag up. No, sir, the bag stays on her lap. From appetizer until dessert it's going to be sitting there all snug and well-fed. She says it's like a security blanket. I say there's nothing wrong with a little overspill on your waistband when you sit. That is perfectly normal. In fact I pity all those people who have never had a flab in their life. Because you know, flabs are there for a reason. Yes. There is a reason of some sort. Don't ask me what. Go away, you.





Aah. The pits. Look, not everyone has the luxury of keeping them completely hairless ALL of the time. Sometimes you forget that they're a bit stubbly. You wear your cool and airy sleeveless shirt and off you go and then you realize that today will have to be one of those days when your forearms will have to do all the work.





How about a round of applause for the permanent hand on waist, brought to us by the Starlets' School of Posing, now an affiliate of Phoenix University, enrollment starting soon? For TV hosts and red carpet celebs and regular women getting their picture taken, it truly is useful in minimizing your batwings. Forget about numbness and the feeling of pins and needles on your flesh. Nothing is more important than the illusion of toned arms.

I am not a stranger to tucking my stomach in. This particular concealment tactic is probably what I'm most guilty of. But I am also not a stranger to wearing an oversized top when I know there's food involved. In fact, from now on I'm not going to bother buying anything in extra small or maybe even small. I am done sucking my gut in. Yeah, no more oxygen deprivation. No more quivers in my abdominals from flexing those muscles. No more crazy eyes from trying to keep my gut safely tucked within my waistband. From this point forward my stomach will live a free life.

Go forth little one, unleash your jelly.