Why do I never learn? I once underestimated the Seattle and E-bay response to designer collaborations, and paid dearly for it. And I did it again. I got in line for Marni at H&M at say, 7:20 this morning. By then the time slot I got for the 15-minute shopping allotment was for 8:45, which meant that two other groups will have shopped before my group. And I have to say, I felt a twinge of pain as the merchandise began to disappear before my eyes, and the eyes of my fellow 8:45 peeps.
I did not get that stupid sequined collar or those annoying earrings that were already embedded in my brain. I did not get any of the brocade tops or pants which I would not wear anyway. But, I did get two bracelets. I almost got a striped men's sweater, before the voice of reason, aka, the voice of my bank account said, striped sweater, again? To join the other striped sweaters in your closet? So they can have a stripe party and drink stripe cocktails? And make this new one the queen of stripes I also, almost got those flat black sandals but in a size smaller than my actual size. I put it down when I heard the voice of Shangela LaQuifa Wadley saying cliffhanger! Reverse Cliffhanger alert!
So yes. Yes. I stood in line, my toes almost froze, my coffee turned lukewarm, and I needed to pee, all for two bracelets! Thankfully, they were fabulous.
Not so fabulous? All that interesting behavior that waiting in line for a designer collab brings out in people. Take, The Fashion Insider. There she waits, with her fellow Fashion Insider friends, proselytizing on the wisdom of buying everything you can get your hands on. After all, the prices are mere shillings compared to clothes from the designer's main line. Yes, shillings are still the preferred currency in H&M and such places. She will also whip out her smart phone and pull up pictures of the Prada handbag she has on her wish list. Also on her wish list? New conditioner for her thirsty, crunchy hair ends. Just kidding (but not really).
And then we have the Busy Working Woman. Busy, yet still somewhat cares about fashion. Look at her, giving cellulite realness in her leggings and puffy jacket. I don't really care. But I want to care. I do care. No, not really. I'm busy. Not that busy to wake up at 5am and wait in line. But no, I have better things to do.
Last, but not least, we have the most dangerous kind. The E-bay gang with their baggy jeans and hefty biceps. See them flex their muscles. They're warming up now. Third in line after the super fans. They know the drill by heart -- wear a hat while waiting outside, no more than 2 per item, stand by the gate as sales associates hand merch back into the floor from the fitting rooms or cash registers.
There you have it. Another H&M fail for me. Another lesson to be learned. Namely: Get in line before the E-bay gang. Flex your muscles. Pee before waiting. Don't hit snooze on your alarm clock more than twice. Eat breakfast. Cellulite Realness is a no-no unless you're Jiggly Caliente. And finally, skip everything else except hair conditioner!
