Starring: BFF

I have a stiff neck. I'd just like to start with that. Just in case I stop typing in mid-sentence you know what to blame it on.

Photo Source: Zoozoom

My best friend had her big acting break recently. And this is a big shout out to her and the art of acting! Or the love of the craft of the art for the sake of art for the craft of love for the sake of.

We Skyped like giggly high school girls shortly after her shoot. She absolutely deserves that break. She is currently preparing for a lesbian role which might explain her sudden bursts into, look at Katy Perry's cleavage or, ZOMG Emily Blunt!!! The role, however does not explain why I usually overhear her reverting into infant-talk when she bamboozles her sister to do her bidding... a gwass of water pwease. But like I said, she's been juggling her passion and her need to make a living for several years now and things are looking up.

Acting though, isn't exclusive to actors. How many times have we acted/ lied to conceal the truth. I mean I try not to, but it's hard to tell someone who's excited about their newly-purchased, orthopedic-looking flip flops that those things are hideous. Instead I might say, they look comfy. Or, if the burning ball of rage is trying to escape from the pit of your stomach, and now is not the time and place for an explosion of volcanic proportions, then you keep it in and compose your face, right? Or is that bad? Surely it is common courtesy to keep your shit to yourself until a more suitable time. Unless of course you are literally not yet toilet-trained, in which case, go for it.

By the way. A bunch of roofing guys are working on a roof several roofs away from our house. Are they nuts?! It's below freezing and there's still a sprinkling of snow/ice everywhere.

Oh no no. Wait a minute. Sorry it was just a morning production of the Fiddler on the Roof by a new acting group, Roof Cabaret of Seattle (now showing at a rooftop near you). Oh, whoa okay, they're now singing If I were a Rich Man. Hey! Hey, Tevye! Bravo!

Back to acting. So, what I

Tszuj It Up, Sweetums!

Hello, Sweetums! Yup, that's what Shawn of QVC said to one of the callers on Live with Isaac Mizrahi the other week. QVC-speak is so amusing. I love when they say stuff like, you can jshooshj up your look with a few zebra-stripe highlights on your hair or by wearing scarves made entirely out of pompoms. Or wait, is it spelled, jooj? Tszuj? Jueje? Zjoeurg? George? Jujubee?

Or how about celeb blogs? You know how a reality star's assistant would greet their employer's blog readers with a, hey dolls. Or, hi, my loves. Or, hey lovelies. What should I call the five people who happened upon my shitstain of a blog?





What? I was waiting for someone to contradict me and say, don't be silly, this is no shitstain. No one? Anyone? Fine! I shall now address you as my darling, pooper scoopers!

Moving on, I finally made a visit to my local cleaners' for a long-delayed alteration on a jacket. I am aware that having to take in the shoulders is super tricky business so I crossed my fingers and hoped for the best. The kind lady had me up on a platform as she hesistantly pinched and pinned fabric. After a while she looked at me with a smile and said, umm... big everywhere. Go back to store for smaller size?

After that, she accidentally stuck herself with a giant pin and screamed. I gasped and said, I'll kiss it to make it better after which I drank her blood but Lestat came in and stopped me.

Oh wait, that was from Interview with the Vampire. Sorry, sorry. I was confused.

One week later, I picked up my jacket and like the lady told me before I left, they tried their best (woohoo Bon Ton Cleaners). It looked great! I wore it to work the following day. When I entered my work place one of my co-workers said, you look good. But the other co-worker glared at her. And then she shrugged her shoulders and said, what? She does!

Oh, hold on. That was The Devil Wears Prada. Yup. Okay. Bye.



Photo: Dipity

What's For Lunch?

OMG. Don't judge but this is what I had for lunch. I fried up one of the hamburger patties I made and froze last week. Then, I made gravy out of a can of cream of mushroom soup except it was low sodium so I high sodium-ed it with a tiny bit of beef broth and then added some fat with a little bit of half and half. And yes, there's more. I ate it with rice. And yeah, so what if I ate it all with a SPOON? Obviously a spoon was called for because how was I going to eat all that "gravy" with any other utensil? Right?

Now I do want to be healthy which is why I did the Crunch Gym's Ass N' Abs workout a few hours later. I like those Crunch Gym peeps. Except they keep emphasizing which location they're at even if I would see some who were supposedly from the San Francisco gym at the New York gym. The Ass N' Abs trainer, Michelle Opperman, kind of looks like Dina from the Real Housewives of New Jersey. And I don't even know how I made that association because I have never seen an episode of that show, haha. Hahahaha. Ha haaaa.

The only problem was I kept thinking about whether I should toast the bread in a pan for the post-workout sandwich I was going to eat or if I should just use the toaster.

And here's another thing about following these workout videos in the privacy of your home - you can skip the parts you don't like. I will come clean and say any video that requires push-ups will most likely earn a fast forward from me. I'll do squats and crunches and the hundred and the Arnold, etc, etc. But, I mean, this is kind of weird but I always imagine that my forearms will give under the weight of my body and they'll fold over the wrong way like that bit from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets where Harry gets jelly arms. Ayyyy. Just thinking about it gives me the shivers.

I still remember how in college, we were required to take P.E. And that one day, after a horrible class that forced us to get our body fat measured with calipers, I had to come face to face with my real body type - fake skinny. Oh all right maybe just fake normal. And by fake I mean fake. I mean, even those calipers were pretty shocked at the amout of fat my body concealed.

I would really like to think that my body fat percentage has decreased.




Yup. that was the end of that sentence. See ya!

XOXO