Tszuj It Up, Sweetums!

Hello, Sweetums! Yup, that's what Shawn of QVC said to one of the callers on Live with Isaac Mizrahi the other week. QVC-speak is so amusing. I love when they say stuff like, you can jshooshj up your look with a few zebra-stripe highlights on your hair or by wearing scarves made entirely out of pompoms. Or wait, is it spelled, jooj? Tszuj? Jueje? Zjoeurg? George? Jujubee?

Or how about celeb blogs? You know how a reality star's assistant would greet their employer's blog readers with a, hey dolls. Or, hi, my loves. Or, hey lovelies. What should I call the five people who happened upon my shitstain of a blog?





What? I was waiting for someone to contradict me and say, don't be silly, this is no shitstain. No one? Anyone? Fine! I shall now address you as my darling, pooper scoopers!

Moving on, I finally made a visit to my local cleaners' for a long-delayed alteration on a jacket. I am aware that having to take in the shoulders is super tricky business so I crossed my fingers and hoped for the best. The kind lady had me up on a platform as she hesistantly pinched and pinned fabric. After a while she looked at me with a smile and said, umm... big everywhere. Go back to store for smaller size?

After that, she accidentally stuck herself with a giant pin and screamed. I gasped and said, I'll kiss it to make it better after which I drank her blood but Lestat came in and stopped me.

Oh wait, that was from Interview with the Vampire. Sorry, sorry. I was confused.

One week later, I picked up my jacket and like the lady told me before I left, they tried their best (woohoo Bon Ton Cleaners). It looked great! I wore it to work the following day. When I entered my work place one of my co-workers said, you look good. But the other co-worker glared at her. And then she shrugged her shoulders and said, what? She does!

Oh, hold on. That was The Devil Wears Prada. Yup. Okay. Bye.



Photo: Dipity

Two Thousand Elevenses

Happy New Year to one and all! I assure you I do know that it isn't actually elevenses, not unless we are referring to that term used in the UK for a snack in the morning. Everyone knows the actual number is eleven-teen. As in nine, ten, eleven-teen, twelve-ty, thirteens, fourteefjfjf.

Everyone also knows that the best way to spend the few days off you have before/ during/ after Christmas and New Year is to watch QVC. No, really, someone help me. I can't seem to turn away. There is something mesmerizing about the parade of flats, opera jackets, beaded necklaces, mocassins and scarves. You have these women with their pearlized nail polish and lacquered hair overflowing with enthusiasm for the cap-toe flats in regular sizes and wait for it... WIDE WIDTHS!

And how about when the models come out in their new clothes and there's always one who can't seem to stand still? Or what do I know, maybe the producer said, quarter turn every 3 seconds, you hear? Obviously they've figured out a formula that can hypnotize viewers because the whole home shopping industry, or maybe just QVC, is worth tons of money.

My favorites are Accessorizing with Rachel Zoe and Isaac Mizrahi Live! Through the haze of my runny nose and stubborn cough, I can hear a voice seducing me into handing over my credit card number for a pair of Isaac's snake embossed leather mocs. Except, the chestnut is sold out in my size! Oh no, the voice is saying, the black will work just fine, hiss hissssss.






Going back to the new year. Our new year's eve with the family and extended family was a somewhat quiet one. The little ones were absent so it was a 21 and over kind of affair.

Hmmm... Now that I think back on it, maybe it wasn't quiet at all. Everyone took turns playing Rock Band, some played better than others (and the others just kept failing or walking out in mid-song). My aunt kept sneaking up behind people with that horrid air horn. My uncle decided to burst into his version of Katy Perry's Firework and Lady Gaga's Bad Romance using that lyrics-i-touch-app-thing... oh wait, that might have been me. My sister kept fiddling with them kiddie-megaphone toys and screaming into them. And just when we were about to end the festivities, another uncle decided to make us coffee with about half a coffee cup's worth of liquor. Yup. That was how our New Year's Eve went.



photo source: CNBC