Let's get down to business. Let's pretend it's sunny out. Hot and sticky. What woman would not want to have a tank top on? I am not talking about an ordinary tank top. I'm talking about maximum ventilation. Low neckline. Massive armholes. I mean, we're talking apron coverage here, suspenders, even. But what am I to wear them with, you might ask. Worry not. I have just the thing. You want to create a play with volume, right? So we have a very loose top. Then you get your tightest shorts. You know, that pair you had from when you were young. And I don't mean your teen years. I mean before that. Enjoy.
If you read gossip magazines, the ones with headlines like Celebs: They're Normal Too! You might notice the strong showing of floral/printed/pastel-colored jeans. Yummers! They are so cute that they're QUTE, with a Q. Here's the thing: if you want to wear them but you're afraid the attention your thighs will get won't be enough, then that's a problem. I have a solution. Why stop at printed pants? Why not head over to Home Depot. Buy some wallpaper. Simply cut holes for your eyes, nose, mouth, arms, and feet. Voila!
It's... Miley! Kids, there's no denying it. Miley Cyrus is well fit these days. So let's take page from her book of no-style with...crop tops! The croppier, the better! I'm not talking about a slice of midriff showing in between your bralet and your waist band. Here's the rule of thumb, if the flesh showing is as small as the length of your thumb, then don't even bother. What's a little underboob exposure, right? What's a little panty showing, right? I mean, who cares if your rolls are hanging out? And this goes both ways, so I should also say: who cares if your ribs are hanging out? Like Gingerella would say, a bag of coal is better than none!
Finally, a note about hairstyles. I only have one word for you. Top-knots. Top-knots are top notch this summer. I'm sure you've seen them, just go up to Nordstrom's BP, or down, depending on which location, and you'll see them everywhere. Girls walking around as if some photog will pap them at any time and attach a caption saying what's hot now, or style spotting at 5th and Pine, or messy chic, or how to wear a top-knot. I'm not talking about a neat, salon-level updo. There's no room for that here. I'm talking about it's a Saturday, I'm hungover but I need to do laundry and Im'ma tie my hair up and around . I'm talking about a top-knot that is so disheveled the only accessory you need to look like a hot mess is a pair of fake prescription glasses and at least two denim pieces on your outfit.
So go ahead shoppers, enjoy yourselves! Like Gingerella would say, F**k off I've got shit to shovel!
