Shopping (Mis)guide: Spring 2011 Edition

Hello, my footsies! I mean tootsies. Spring has started and that means our closets need an overhaul. And by overhaul I mean I need a carpenter to reattach a few rickety pieces. Just kidding. What I meant to say was, now is the time to start putting some winter clothes away and bringing out, or buying, warm-weather stuff.

Have you heard? Flared pants are back. In a way this is good. Our eyes need a rest from those damned skinny jeans and the people who insist on wearing them even if... hey! You! Yes, you! Everyone can see you're wearing a pair two sizes too small. There's no shame in going up a size!

So, where were we? Ah, yes. Flared pants. I suppose the secret here is finding a pair that is flared enough on top so that the narrow hem is more obvious.

Oh, what?

Sorry, my mistake. The hem is the one that's flared, not the crotch and thighs.

Shit. What am I going to do with this pair I just bought at oppositesonly.com?




Next on the list are color-block pieces. This, I like.

Who am I kidding? I don't like color at all. Up until I started working at a place where white and black clothing are strongly suggested, I never realized how many black pieces I had. And I'm sure I'm not alone when I say bright colors scare me. And anything resembling the color of a Stabilo Boss Highlighter? SCARY.

Trench coats? Must-have. Spy to wear trench coat? Even more of a must-have.



This is not a joke. I do actually want a trench coat. Just the classic khaki trench with maybe, muted/matte gold or bronze buttons, nothing too fancy or hardware-heavy, and definitely no flashy or oversized buttons. I don't need any leather-detailed ones or ruffled hems or quilted sleeves. Just a trench.

Here's an obvious one. Sandals. I swear, I am going to push sandal-season all the way into October. I don't care. I'm so ready for higher temperatures. The key to making your sandals look current is to find the most creative pair you can. For instance, you might choose one with a mix of clear and leather straps. Or, multi-colored ones. You know the one where there's a strap for your big toe?


Photo: Shoebunny


Forget that, get one where the strap is on an unexpected toe. Something like this:




And there you have it my darlings! Have fun shopping! XOXO

Get Outta My Way

Shoe update. The consensus is that the shoe I wrote about is the shoe. Goodbye, toes. I shall miss you. BTW, should anyone look under the table where I am typing, you'll see me wearing those shoes right now, doing my best to get my foot molded into it.



I wasted who knows how many minutes earlier today, looking for my glasses. I wish objects like that had some sort of device that made a sound when you prompt it too. I also wish I didn't need them. I mean, who needs to see people's facial expressions anyway? Or, bus numbers? Or, pedestrians? Or, the girl across the street wearing Uggs?

Can you tell, this entry has no theme? So I might as well be as random as random can be.

Watched Truffaut's Day for Night on dvd, as recommended by my best friend. So funny! That scene where Severine's drunk ass couldn't find the door and she kept opening the cupboard instead! And wow, a young Jacqueline Bisset - gorgeous.

How do you feel about the oxford comma, or, the serial comma? To be honest with you, I've forgotten about it. These days, I go by what sounds right when I say it in my head.

I had a dream the other night. I was in a packed arena, Aerosmith was about to start their concert. Suddenly, everyone was being ushered out of the building. Rumor has it the venue was way, way overbooked. They told some of us to head one way, and the rest, another way. The group I'm with, we were led into some broken down, open-air space where Aerosmith was playing... on the stereo! And from that space we could see the bright lights from the arena and the actual band playing. Oh, man, I think I've been watching too much American Idol.

Don't tell anyone, but Kylie Minogue's Get Outta My Way is making me get my inner disco on. I'm worried that I might find myself in a crowded area and instead of saying excuse me to get through, I'll start screaming, get outta my way, zombies! And then I'll do her dance moves and segue into I was born this we-hey. I WAS BORN THIS WAY, hallelooooo!



And finally, I don't know what to say, really, other than you are in my thoughts, Japan.

Shoe Woes

Ever had a clothing item or a shoe that was too big/ too tight/ too worn out but that you liked so much you kept wearing it? I just received the shoes me and my fellow bridesmaids ordered for my cousin's wedding and I am telling you, girl, is footbinding still being practiced? Because, that is the only way I can get this shoe to work. I knowingly ordered a half size smaller because my actual size was not available and I thought, half a size shouldn't be too tight, right? WRONG.

I mean, I probably need to cut salt out of my diet 2 weeks prior. Or, cut off my toes. Or, cut a hole in the shoe for more space. Or, paint the shoe on my naked foot.

Or, what? Order another shoe? I'm no quitter. Leave me alone.

Yeah. All right maybe this just isn't the shoe for us. Aside from the fit, the height of the heel is just, wow - the suffering. Maybe the other girls feel the same... the same pain on their feet, the same numbing, vise-like grip on the tips of their toes. Please.

Also, this song is stuck in my head: