Overheard

You know how the saying goes, little pitchers have big teeth. Which is why I like my pitchers small and my mugs large. Heeey!

Oh. That's not how the saying goes?

Anyway, I overheard this at a clothing store. Allow me to set this up. It was by a store entrance, a mother, let's call her Mildred, and her daughter, let's call her Hotshit, paused to comment on the merchandise.

Hotshit: I'm not even going in.

Mildew: Yeah. But this skirt is cute.

Hotshit: Soooo cute.

Sales Associate: Isn't it? It's very demure. Would you like to try it on?

Hotshit & Mildsauce in unison: Oh no, no. No, no. Oh gosh, no, no. It won't fit.

Mildress: The XS is too big for her. Too big.

Sales Associate: We also have an XXS.

Hotshit: It's still too big. Mom, look how BIG the size 2 is.

Mildred: My daughter's waist is a size 22... and yeah, even that size 2 might be BIG for me.

Nice. I've never encountered a skinny person who was so smug about being thin. And I hate to say this but the mother? Size 2? Too big??? Yeah, right, she was more like a 2+6.

And I'm sorry, but those two got me all riled up. If all they're going to do is hover at various stores' doorways and go yakkety-yak about too-big this and too-big that, maybe they shouldn't be shopping. Maybe, they should just go to Toys R Us and buy little doll clothes to put on her little doll body so she can bake a cake in her dollhouse oven.

Moving on.

Overheard: you know how in comic books, a character would laugh and the sound was, yuk yuk yuk.

I swear, I heard an actual laugh that sounded like that. Except it was closer to hyauk hyauk HYAAUUUK, with a shrug of the shoulders for each HYAAUUK.

Overheard: a cover of November Rain by a lady singer where she raps in the middle of it. It was weird. Though not as weird as my own anti-rhythm version of just about any song that was ever written in the history of the world.