My friend and I were talking over coffee the other day, and the subject skedaddled over to past crimes of fashion. You know, those moments where you thought you were so best-dressedglamorousflossyflossy, but really, and only after time has passed, do you realize how much of a hot mess you were.
Listen, when I was in college, the cropped pant, or jean just started coming back. So, I thought, hey, why not fashion tape (and when I say fashion tape I really mean masking tape) my jean's hem and make it look cropped?
Good idea, right? Wrong. It was the hem version of Parallax error. I mean, what was I thinking? The length I chose didn't make my jeans look like I bought them cropped, it made them look like I was wearing a pair I got from when I turned 11 years old.
And you know when the tighter the tee, the better, was the in thing? Yeah, let's just forget that happened.
And how about another jean DIY. So I had this look in mind where I wanted my jeans to look lower on the waist than they actually were. You know what I did? I belted the bottom of my shirt, just the exact bottom, to create the illusion of a lower, belted pair of pants. Like anyone's going to believe my zipper was only an inch long!
Our pre and early teens don't count, of course. I mean, it was my mother who made me wear tops and pants in matching print (after I asked her to buy them for me), and she made me put on those blouses with shoulder pads (she did, really), as well as the tent-like trapeze dress in a dizzying Pucci-wannabe pattern (that was all me). And, the black bicycle shorts with the hot pink stripe in the sides(still me).
And while we're at it, I also get a pass for that horrid shaggy haircut that looked like two haircuts in one, I mean, welcome to the ground floor, oh, wait here's the top deck! I also wash my hands clean of cargo pants, chunky shoes, and lace hem leggings.
Finally, this song has been around for a while but it is stuckstuckstuck in my head:
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