Posing Lecture No. 512

This post is brought to you by the Starlets' School of Posing, now an affiliate of Phoenix University, classes have started and students are no longer accepted, with the exception of people with names beginning with X. This is a transcript of the online lecture of Professor Mary Lara "Billy" Menounos Hart-Spencer.

"Chicas and Chicos. Chicos. Yes, that is the name of the store I just went shopping at. You like my chubby necklace?

Excuse me? Who interrupts? Young lady, you heard me. I said chubby necklace, not chunky. Come close, you see it is made of lard. Silly girl.

Today. Very, very, very special day. As you know it was the Met Gala. The Fashion Olympics. The Decathlon of Style. The Iron Chef of Non-chefs. The World Cup of Needle and Thread.

Whoo. Wow. Sports-words. They make me tired. Pardon the sweat stains.

Okay, let's turn on the projectile and look at photographs. First on the screen. Ay. Aaaay. Ladies, I am out of breath. This great woman. She melts me like candle wax. Look, you fools!




Beyon-saay. Beens. Bey-once. Ye gods! Learn from her, all of yous. See how she stands like a statue. See how she holds her head high, how her bosom is a shelf for tchotchkes and trinkets. See! She is a queen. They hoist her up the stairs like a masterpiece from Michaeljackson. I mean, Michelangelo.

Hush! Woman! I can hear you whispering over yonder! What goes on?



No. Nonono! This cannot happen. Aaay. My girl, she broke down and finally took a breath! Nooo. She breathed and she clean-popped out of her dress. Why can't it be me, instead? Why? Whyyyyy?"

(Transcriptionist's note: The Professor turns her back on the class and cries for 16 1/2 seconds)

"I am recovered now. Let us resume. Who can tell me who is this?

Yes, you silly girl, wearing sweater with big buttons... I beg your pardon? She is not Jello. Call her by name stupid woman. This is Jennifer Lopez! And she is wearing this beauty. Like a garden in Springtime the red flowers so pretty on her shoulders. See, my students, observe how her eyes are like piercing needles on big fat veins to carry forbidden dru... No, no, I mean like small prick for when checking blood sugar of Grandma.

Learn from her. She is not just wearing petals. She is a petal. She looks like a flower and... come on, all together... STINGS LIKE A BEE. Yes! Good! This is hard, my students! Anyone can wear flowers but not everyone can be a flower!

What? What is going on?



Estupido! That Marc Anthony! I told him no water near Jennifer's shoulders! Not a sprinkle! Aaay. Now, see what happened!"

(Transcriptionist's note: The Professor is clearly hysterical. She throws a whiteboard eraser at me and proceeds to trash the classroom.)