Shopping Misguide Spring/Summer 2013 Edition

With April on fast forward, and September just around the corner, this edition of Shopping Misguide is long overdue. So I'll just jump right into it.

Must Have No. 1: Black and White

All you need to do is think of certain images to bring this trend to life. Close your eyes and think: Piano keys. Hamburglar on heels. Referee chic. Chess couture. Mime Fashion Week. One of Michael Jackson's biggest songs ever. Eyeballs. A healthy tooth beside a cavity-ridden one.



This shouldn't even be a "trend." We all have black and white in our closets. The key is to really zebra it up and play with that contrast. And get your friends in on it with a day of themed dressing in the vein of Spy Vs. Spy Meets Oreos.

Must Have No. 2: Ruffles

Preferably sour cream and onion with chilled ranch dip. Just kidding. Ruffles are tricky. I think we women have a love-hate relationship with anything that's overly feminine. Which is why when wearing ruffles it is advisable to temper the sweet detail with something sharp and edgy. A knife necklace, perhaps. I am also drawn to the idea of a mustache, the more natural the better, so no waxing ladies!

Must Have No. 3: Sheer

And I don't mean L'Eggs! Hey, remember your mom's pantyhose? The ones that came in a little egg-shaped receptacle? We're not talking about that. We're talking about a look at me/no, don't look at me approach. This calls for the most revealing outfit you have ever owned but with an overlay of swishy, sheer details. But why stop there? I propose taking this a step further. For instance, over your most streamlined summer sandal, wear a pair of clogs. Have a pair of creepy little shades? Layer that underneath your oversized sunglasses! Wearing a bandaid from a paper cut? Add a cast.

Must Have No. 4: Rainbow Brite

I'm sure you've seen this everywhere. Those bold, bright lipstick shades that look like they're fresh out of your box of crayons. I am not brave enough to wear those colors. I am not brave enough to wear lipstick, period. Why? All I know is that my lips are so dry that by the end of the day they'll be cracking and looking like a mosaic. But, if I could, I would definitely try all those reds and pinks and Rihanna purples and my fave, The Alaska:

Plans for Plans

Here we are, in the second month of the year. I am happy to report that I did at least one new thing. I got my hair colored. For the first time, not counting that one time in high school. This one was done professionally. Chop included. I am also happy to say, that right on that day I done had herses I already managed to turn one guy's head. Yes, he was a toddler. And he was fascinated by the foils on my head, so what?

Another thing I did? My first two workouts of the year...check! Except, tell me I am not alone in this: when you do one workout in who knows how many months, and right before you look in the mirror you think, I'm so excited, I am so toned, and then you look at your reflection and wonder why you don't have abs yet. You're all, but I worked hard for 43 minutes. I'm super sore. Where is the muscle definition? Granted, a shower of food crumbs exploded as I unrolled my yoga mat but, whatever.

One day at work we got to talking about resolutions and if we make them, or keep them, or step on them, or put them in a box and throw them away. And I realized, I have not made a resolution in ages. Probably the only resolution I have been making, is a reminder to myself that reaching for the credit card in my wallet is not like winning a gunfight in a Western. I mean, really, hand, slow down, think about it for a minute. Which is why I have not shopped for a single item of on sale clothing (my weakness) in, um, well, whenever that last time was. It's been a while, I promise.

That train of thought got me thinking about whether or not I should make resolutions. Or, at least plans. Because, I tell ya, I am probably the laziest Virgo ever. And I don't want to depress anyone who is in the bud of youth, looking at the world with rose-colored pink eye, I mean contacts but, guess what darling? It's hard. Fantine said it best when she sang in that dark room while nursing a toothache. All right, just kidding (but not really). The point I am trying to make, and this is mostly to myself, is that there are ways out of all manner of ruts yet, especially ones you created yourself. So, let's make a deal, children, I'm going to lay off my overthinking, rejuvenate my lazy bones, maybe put a friendlier smile on in the morning, and you can keep your rosy contacts on.

Deal?

Here's a cheery song to keep us in a happy mood!

August, September, Octvecember, January

You know how you put something off until too much time has passed and then it's what's the point? That's kind of what happened between my last post and today. Of course now we are into the 2nd day of 2013 and it seems wrong to look back because everyone knows a new year means looking forward, not back, or sideways, unless getting cross-eyed is the goal. Which brings me to this super abridged, one paragraph version of what has happened in October, November, and December. (Octvecember? Get it? Get it?)

Deep breath:

Went to Hong Kong with my sister. Visited our 2nd Mom and her beautiful family. Ate dimsum, Italian, Vietnamese, turon, etc. Met her adorable grand daughter who fed us wooden sushi and wooden cakes. Flew to Manila. Freaked out cab driver who drove us home when three sisters who haven't seen each other in 3 years start screaming in the rain. Three words: Lechon Manok, Kangkong. Lots of bonding with our now 13-year-old nephew whom we embarrassed by laughing and talking loudly and allegedly ignoring 'don't step on grass' signs for the sake of nice pictures. Karaoke, selfies, drinks, and whispered late night chitchat with my BFF. Beach weekend. Expired tanning oil. Zebra stripes. Cholesterol, Granny Goose, sodium, fried bread with condensed milk. Meet with friends for lunch, which stretched to dessert, and stretched to dinner. Greenbelt night observations over beer while making up stories. Manicure, pedicure, massage. Traffic, billboards, SM, Intramuros, Ayala, Christmas lights. GucciLouisPrada 'Ate pengeng barya.' Sarsi, Shakey's, chicharon, isaw, buffet. Talk, talk, talk. We don't want to leave, but we have to go.

The end.

Wait, I lied. That paragraph did not include December, which went like this:

Back to work. Deck the Hall Ball. Thank you Awolnation I did not expect that. How do I know all these words to The Killers' songs? Did I just spend $9 for a cup of beer? Work. Don't judge me. Thanks to my friend who wouldn't shut up about it, I am now addicted to Lee Min-ho kdramas. I said don't laugh, he's abnormally cute. Christmas shopping in Portland. Will not get distracted. Got distracted. Rain, go away. Christmas cooking and baking. What? It's over. Ten of Swords card. Oh shit. New Year's Eve festivites.You, yes you, you did it, we're proud of you!

And that's the real end. Thank you. Happy New Year!

Smile. Step. Repeat.

Welcome, welcome. I've created this lovely little post of pictures and captions. Prepare to be blown away by my photography skills ability to press that big button (not to be confused by the power button)!

Let's begin!

In the beginning of August, the Blue Angels came to Seattle and ripped through our bright blue sky. They did breathtaking moves, like the one where five planes went whooosh, then piaaaaoooww! I captured this moment perfectly. Behold, the Blue Angels!

Wrong picture.

Behold, the Blue Angels!

I meant Angel, actually, not angels.

The next picture's location is Nordstrom in downtown Seattle. Rachel Zoe came for a visit and I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to see how teeny tiny she is her. By the way, the only differences between a soon-to-be mosh pit at a club show and an "informal presentation of Rachel Zoe's Fall Collection," are the number of designer handbags and style blog-ready cameras. I tell ya, everyone came dressed up ready to get papped... except you, yes, the one in the baseball cap and sweats. Anyway, here is my crystal clear photo of Rachel Zoe:

Moving on.

I attended a Miss Gay Philippines Pageant at our Community Center earlier this month. My friend competed and though I wasn't able to make her a big-ass poster, I was in full-on support/cheering mode. Sadly, some contestants backed out and it seemed like the little production numbers were stretched longer than the actual pageant program. Thankfully, Aleksa Manila did an amazing Whitney Houston medley that brought the house down. Here's a glimpse:

Did you see her fabulous hair? No? It was big, really big. How about her fitted gown, did you see it? No? It was orange and had zigzag stripes. Did you see her... what? Okay, you only see that man with the gray hair? All right. Fair enough, fair enough.

So there you have it, my super fabulous August photo album. Remember to hit me up for useful tips such as how to efficiently cover the flash with your finger, take shots of fast moving objects, create a meal plan with instagram, get stuck in the Nathan Adrian tumblr tag, and capture that perfect angle where your subject looks like a bobbleheaded weirdo!

Toodles!

Shopping Misguide: Summer 2012 Edition

All right then. Summer has officially begun. Yet, you wouldn't know it if you were me, typing, with a dazzling grey view outside my window. All this rain is making me gloomy that I want to start writing a new version of Cinderella. It will have a tragic ending, have more villains than heroes, and will only be 200 words. The title? Gingerella. The stepmother? Vicky Pollard.

Let's get down to business. Let's pretend it's sunny out. Hot and sticky. What woman would not want to have a tank top on? I am not talking about an ordinary tank top. I'm talking about maximum ventilation. Low neckline. Massive armholes. I mean, we're talking apron coverage here, suspenders, even. But what am I to wear them with, you might ask. Worry not. I have just the thing. You want to create a play with volume, right? So we have a very loose top. Then you get your tightest shorts. You know, that pair you had from when you were young. And I don't mean your teen years. I mean before that. Enjoy.




If you read gossip magazines, the ones with headlines like Celebs: They're Normal Too! You might notice the strong showing of floral/printed/pastel-colored jeans. Yummers! They are so cute that they're QUTE, with a Q. Here's the thing: if you want to wear them but you're afraid the attention your thighs will get won't be enough, then that's a problem. I have a solution. Why stop at printed pants? Why not head over to Home Depot. Buy some wallpaper. Simply cut holes for your eyes, nose, mouth, arms, and feet. Voila!

It's... Miley! Kids, there's no denying it. Miley Cyrus is well fit these days. So let's take page from her book of no-style with...crop tops! The croppier, the better! I'm not talking about a slice of midriff showing in between your bralet and your waist band. Here's the rule of thumb, if the flesh showing is as small as the length of your thumb, then don't even bother. What's a little underboob exposure, right? What's a little panty showing, right? I mean, who cares if your rolls are hanging out? And this goes both ways, so I should also say: who cares if your ribs are hanging out? Like Gingerella would say, a bag of coal is better than none!




Finally, a note about hairstyles. I only have one word for you. Top-knots. Top-knots are top notch this summer. I'm sure you've seen them, just go up to Nordstrom's BP, or down, depending on which location, and you'll see them everywhere. Girls walking around as if some photog will pap them at any time and attach a caption saying what's hot now, or style spotting at 5th and Pine, or messy chic, or how to wear a top-knot. I'm not talking about a neat, salon-level updo. There's no room for that here. I'm talking about it's a Saturday, I'm hungover but I need to do laundry and Im'ma tie my hair up and around . I'm talking about a top-knot that is so disheveled the only accessory you need to look like a hot mess is a pair of fake prescription glasses and at least two denim pieces on your outfit.

So go ahead shoppers, enjoy yourselves! Like Gingerella would say, F**k off I've got shit to shovel!

Super Lekker!

Um, what just happened? I'm already rusty, and don't know what to write, then Blogger suddenly has this new look. Well, Blogger, guess what? I can do a new look as well. As we speak, I'm doing my best triangle face with my eyes wide open, and my nostrils flared.

Okay. Normal face.

I took a trip, you guys. On the last week of April I flew to Holland to meet one of my childhood friends. Which explains the Lekker title. I heard it a lot on the radio and on TV commercials. My friend and I, we grew up a few houses away from each other in a street called Paris, where skinned knobby knees were badges of honor, news of fighting adults traveled quickly, and parents finding neighbor children in their homes, any time of day, was normal.

Aside from catching up, reminiscing, LOL-ing with tears in our eyes, and wondering about other characters from our childhood, we got to see a little bit of everything, such as:

Rain, sun, wind, and hail, all during an hour-long lunch of savory pannaku... GOOGLE BREAK... Pannakoeken!

Amazing buildings, and weird sinking ones. As in, sinking forward, back, in the middle, on one side...

An eye-popping Turkish market at The Hague with vegetables, meat, fish, cheese, jewelry, socks, bread, watches, and so on. I loved it! If you're a shopper, and are willing to brave hordes of Grandma-to-grandkid-sized groups, tricked-out strollers mauling your foot, and the interesting smell you will have on you after you shop, then this is the place. There are many treasures to be found...except fresh herring. I could only hold down one bite. I'm sorry. I know it's like a national delicacy of sorts but I need some acid on my raw fish, and white onions don't cut it. P.S. Nagtitinda sila ng malunggay!

A very enthusiastic after-work crowd in bars and pubs, and their outdoor tables. Even if it was cold. AND IT WAS COLD, I TELL YA!

A chip-in, chip-out train/bus card system, combined with stern drivers, that will have you obsessing about whether your ov-chipkaart is in your person at any given moment. No, sorry forgot my Orca card today excuse.

One of the best dinners ever at a tiny Italian restaurant called Giuliano's, run by an Italian father-son tandem. My friend ran into a pair of co-workers, one Dutch, one from Southern Italy, and we all decided to have dinner together. Some of Mr. Italy's recurring, wine-induced lines of the evening were SHHH, don't talk, this Paolo Conte song means a lot to me. Also: Seattle? Seattle? You stay here. Your life is changed. We capped off our delicious meal with these yummy little cakes soaked in, gosh, I don't know, something as strong as jet fuel I guess, and limoncello. Oh, and this was followed by a ride. In a car. To a casino. With a horrendous Limp Bizkit song playing in high volume. I don't know how this happened.

The best-treated cyclists. And I thought Seattle peeps were doing great, but no, the Dutch are doing a lot for their bicycle riders. They have their own lane - everywhere - and if a pedestrian dares to wander off into their path, you'll hear a yell and a honk.

Stunning works of art at the Rijksmuseum. It was heart-warming to see the line of people snake around the building.

The Red Light District. Looks like the on-trend attire is that onesie style Borat favors, but worn with a pair of glasses. Interesting how the farther away from the center you are the less, um, fit, the women in the windows get.

A gorgeous day that just happened to be Queen's Day. Everyone was in a great mood. We walked over to this area called The Fred where stores, and just about anyone could have a little spot in the sidewalk to sell goods. And by goods, I mean this loosely. I mean, there were kids selling suspicious, homemade juice in plastic cups. Some were singing, or playing instruments. For charity they would say, but it kinda looked like by charity, they meant themselves.

Finally, a collection of words/phrases for you to string together as you please: Queen's Night. Tourist. Party. Legal.

Pineapple Tidbits (In Syrup)

You guys, the other day, I was waiting to cross the street. Then, from the corner of my eye I see a flash of white-blond hair, a big, red belted coat, and booted feet. I thought to myself: Santa Claus, is dat chu???

No. It wasn't. It was just a lady in a red coat and black boots, with blond hair. So disappointing.

I worked out the other week. My first one in ages. I was so pumped after. Super high energy! Excited! Feeling firm and toned. Then I look down, and my stomach's still jiggly. Wonk wonk wonk.

You know what I'd love right now? A bag of money. Just kidding. Maybe a bag of green mangoes. Just kidding. A bag. With a removable chain strap, small size for when you're walking around, shopping.

Hey. Who's watching The Voice? What is up with James Massone? He's like this vortex of cuteness. What, he thinks he can just go on stage and sing, don't know why, don't know why???

Yes. Yes, he can.

You guys, I don't know how, but I got sucked into watching Monte Carlo on HBO. Right now. This guy named Luke Bracey's in it. Check him out. Catherine Tate's in it too. THIS IS NOT MY SANDWICH.

Oh no. With Spring here, we're going to see a lot more capris. Pedal pushers. Clam diggers. Calves. Ankles. Cankles.

Is there anything worse than counting down the days until your vacation starts? This morning, as I got ready for work I started daydreaming about the end of my work day.

Sometimes I just feel like blurting out: MANNEQUIN 2: ON THE MOVE.