Fabric is Your Friend

Working with women, as far as their wardrobes go, some of the things I always hear is:

I'm not wearing the right underwear.

I'm not wearing the right bra.

I need Spanx.

I have a donut here (points to belly button area).

You can see my muffin top.

I need to lose 4.3lbs.

I look like Spongebob (to which I ask if they'd rather be Spongebob-shaped or Patrick-shaped, take your pick).

Just kidding about that last one.

In any case, we all have those days when the bloat is just too strong to fight. Days when the thought of control undies make a single tear roll down your eye. I know I have those moments. In fact, I think a big chunk of my closet is dedicated to drapey, flowy clothes half a size too big. Just for those days when sucking in my gut all day at work is not an option.

So here's a little something I put together. The star is the elastic waistband of course. And the sandals are for when you've reached your quota of hours on heels.

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Observations from an Exercise Bike

I have not been inside a gym for years. Until yesterday. My sister and I took a spin class at her gym, one of those fancy places with hotel style locker rooms and chandeliers (yes, chandeliers). Oh, you know, nothing like the sound of crystals tinkling and vibrating under a studio full of jumping, zumba-ing, kickboxing people. Now, I understand that the gym is not the place to bother with color coordinating outfits, perfect little tops, and aesthetically pleasing shoes. There's not a Workout Style Guide that everyone automatically knows. But, man, oh man. I mean, everywhere I looked I saw panty lines screaming at me. I am not even kidding. It was like, bam! Check out the deep line that divides my ass into this part, and this part. Wow! Now, I am not saying that I have never set foot inside the gym wearing underwear with seams that dig into my buttocks, but on those occasions, I would at least wear a shirt that's a bit longer. And how about them sweat pants? If there is a hole, and if you're no longer sure what color they were originally, may I suggest just wearing them at home and not outside? Again, I know you've already made the effort to go to the gym and power through a workout, I applaud that. But just between us goyles...won't a little style adjustment help us get into the spirit of things more?

Here, I made a thing, of the active wear pieces I would gather if I were to go to a gym regularly (no panty line panties included).

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Workout wear aside, the spin class was a good challenge. I have questions, though. How does anyone sit on a bike comfortably? Is it normal that I think my butt bone is bruised? When the instructor says to PUSH HARDER and REACH DOWN AND ADJUST YOUR GEAR TO 90%, do thoughts like, I will kiiill you, and sira ka ba?! run through your mind? Is it good workout practice to visualize your dinner while pedaling? Okay, how about dessert?

Summerish

What is it about summer that makes my hand-to-wallet speed much faster? It's as if the breezier fabrics and sleek sandals switch something on in my brain that says, it's okay, buy me. I'm such a good deal. Really, this is not a joke. Thankfully, my cheapness, which is a weakness, is also a strength.

And because I want to share this, ah, illness. I put together a little something to get you in the mood for a mini, affordable, summer shopping spree.

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Did you click to see the rest of it? If you did, yes, I like neutrals. If Macy's still has their shoe sale going on, the sandals are under $40.00! If I use utensils, avoid potato chips, and have no sticker price tags to scrape off, I'd still have that red nail polish on until, say, Wednesday.

Happy shopping!

Shopping Misguide Spring/Summer 2013 Edition

With April on fast forward, and September just around the corner, this edition of Shopping Misguide is long overdue. So I'll just jump right into it.

Must Have No. 1: Black and White

All you need to do is think of certain images to bring this trend to life. Close your eyes and think: Piano keys. Hamburglar on heels. Referee chic. Chess couture. Mime Fashion Week. One of Michael Jackson's biggest songs ever. Eyeballs. A healthy tooth beside a cavity-ridden one.



This shouldn't even be a "trend." We all have black and white in our closets. The key is to really zebra it up and play with that contrast. And get your friends in on it with a day of themed dressing in the vein of Spy Vs. Spy Meets Oreos.

Must Have No. 2: Ruffles

Preferably sour cream and onion with chilled ranch dip. Just kidding. Ruffles are tricky. I think we women have a love-hate relationship with anything that's overly feminine. Which is why when wearing ruffles it is advisable to temper the sweet detail with something sharp and edgy. A knife necklace, perhaps. I am also drawn to the idea of a mustache, the more natural the better, so no waxing ladies!

Must Have No. 3: Sheer

And I don't mean L'Eggs! Hey, remember your mom's pantyhose? The ones that came in a little egg-shaped receptacle? We're not talking about that. We're talking about a look at me/no, don't look at me approach. This calls for the most revealing outfit you have ever owned but with an overlay of swishy, sheer details. But why stop there? I propose taking this a step further. For instance, over your most streamlined summer sandal, wear a pair of clogs. Have a pair of creepy little shades? Layer that underneath your oversized sunglasses! Wearing a bandaid from a paper cut? Add a cast.

Must Have No. 4: Rainbow Brite

I'm sure you've seen this everywhere. Those bold, bright lipstick shades that look like they're fresh out of your box of crayons. I am not brave enough to wear those colors. I am not brave enough to wear lipstick, period. Why? All I know is that my lips are so dry that by the end of the day they'll be cracking and looking like a mosaic. But, if I could, I would definitely try all those reds and pinks and Rihanna purples and my fave, The Alaska:

Plans for Plans

Here we are, in the second month of the year. I am happy to report that I did at least one new thing. I got my hair colored. For the first time, not counting that one time in high school. This one was done professionally. Chop included. I am also happy to say, that right on that day I done had herses I already managed to turn one guy's head. Yes, he was a toddler. And he was fascinated by the foils on my head, so what?

Another thing I did? My first two workouts of the year...check! Except, tell me I am not alone in this: when you do one workout in who knows how many months, and right before you look in the mirror you think, I'm so excited, I am so toned, and then you look at your reflection and wonder why you don't have abs yet. You're all, but I worked hard for 43 minutes. I'm super sore. Where is the muscle definition? Granted, a shower of food crumbs exploded as I unrolled my yoga mat but, whatever.

One day at work we got to talking about resolutions and if we make them, or keep them, or step on them, or put them in a box and throw them away. And I realized, I have not made a resolution in ages. Probably the only resolution I have been making, is a reminder to myself that reaching for the credit card in my wallet is not like winning a gunfight in a Western. I mean, really, hand, slow down, think about it for a minute. Which is why I have not shopped for a single item of on sale clothing (my weakness) in, um, well, whenever that last time was. It's been a while, I promise.

That train of thought got me thinking about whether or not I should make resolutions. Or, at least plans. Because, I tell ya, I am probably the laziest Virgo ever. And I don't want to depress anyone who is in the bud of youth, looking at the world with rose-colored pink eye, I mean contacts but, guess what darling? It's hard. Fantine said it best when she sang in that dark room while nursing a toothache. All right, just kidding (but not really). The point I am trying to make, and this is mostly to myself, is that there are ways out of all manner of ruts yet, especially ones you created yourself. So, let's make a deal, children, I'm going to lay off my overthinking, rejuvenate my lazy bones, maybe put a friendlier smile on in the morning, and you can keep your rosy contacts on.

Deal?

Here's a cheery song to keep us in a happy mood!

August, September, Octvecember, January

You know how you put something off until too much time has passed and then it's what's the point? That's kind of what happened between my last post and today. Of course now we are into the 2nd day of 2013 and it seems wrong to look back because everyone knows a new year means looking forward, not back, or sideways, unless getting cross-eyed is the goal. Which brings me to this super abridged, one paragraph version of what has happened in October, November, and December. (Octvecember? Get it? Get it?)

Deep breath:

Went to Hong Kong with my sister. Visited our 2nd Mom and her beautiful family. Ate dimsum, Italian, Vietnamese, turon, etc. Met her adorable grand daughter who fed us wooden sushi and wooden cakes. Flew to Manila. Freaked out cab driver who drove us home when three sisters who haven't seen each other in 3 years start screaming in the rain. Three words: Lechon Manok, Kangkong. Lots of bonding with our now 13-year-old nephew whom we embarrassed by laughing and talking loudly and allegedly ignoring 'don't step on grass' signs for the sake of nice pictures. Karaoke, selfies, drinks, and whispered late night chitchat with my BFF. Beach weekend. Expired tanning oil. Zebra stripes. Cholesterol, Granny Goose, sodium, fried bread with condensed milk. Meet with friends for lunch, which stretched to dessert, and stretched to dinner. Greenbelt night observations over beer while making up stories. Manicure, pedicure, massage. Traffic, billboards, SM, Intramuros, Ayala, Christmas lights. GucciLouisPrada 'Ate pengeng barya.' Sarsi, Shakey's, chicharon, isaw, buffet. Talk, talk, talk. We don't want to leave, but we have to go.

The end.

Wait, I lied. That paragraph did not include December, which went like this:

Back to work. Deck the Hall Ball. Thank you Awolnation I did not expect that. How do I know all these words to The Killers' songs? Did I just spend $9 for a cup of beer? Work. Don't judge me. Thanks to my friend who wouldn't shut up about it, I am now addicted to Lee Min-ho kdramas. I said don't laugh, he's abnormally cute. Christmas shopping in Portland. Will not get distracted. Got distracted. Rain, go away. Christmas cooking and baking. What? It's over. Ten of Swords card. Oh shit. New Year's Eve festivites.You, yes you, you did it, we're proud of you!

And that's the real end. Thank you. Happy New Year!

Smile. Step. Repeat.

Welcome, welcome. I've created this lovely little post of pictures and captions. Prepare to be blown away by my photography skills ability to press that big button (not to be confused by the power button)!

Let's begin!

In the beginning of August, the Blue Angels came to Seattle and ripped through our bright blue sky. They did breathtaking moves, like the one where five planes went whooosh, then piaaaaoooww! I captured this moment perfectly. Behold, the Blue Angels!

Wrong picture.

Behold, the Blue Angels!

I meant Angel, actually, not angels.

The next picture's location is Nordstrom in downtown Seattle. Rachel Zoe came for a visit and I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to see how teeny tiny she is her. By the way, the only differences between a soon-to-be mosh pit at a club show and an "informal presentation of Rachel Zoe's Fall Collection," are the number of designer handbags and style blog-ready cameras. I tell ya, everyone came dressed up ready to get papped... except you, yes, the one in the baseball cap and sweats. Anyway, here is my crystal clear photo of Rachel Zoe:

Moving on.

I attended a Miss Gay Philippines Pageant at our Community Center earlier this month. My friend competed and though I wasn't able to make her a big-ass poster, I was in full-on support/cheering mode. Sadly, some contestants backed out and it seemed like the little production numbers were stretched longer than the actual pageant program. Thankfully, Aleksa Manila did an amazing Whitney Houston medley that brought the house down. Here's a glimpse:

Did you see her fabulous hair? No? It was big, really big. How about her fitted gown, did you see it? No? It was orange and had zigzag stripes. Did you see her... what? Okay, you only see that man with the gray hair? All right. Fair enough, fair enough.

So there you have it, my super fabulous August photo album. Remember to hit me up for useful tips such as how to efficiently cover the flash with your finger, take shots of fast moving objects, create a meal plan with instagram, get stuck in the Nathan Adrian tumblr tag, and capture that perfect angle where your subject looks like a bobbleheaded weirdo!

Toodles!