Bus Nightmare

My Bus Nightmare #2 came true the other day. During morning rush hour, the bus fills up with people - as in the aisle will be crammed with bodies... bodies in various states of cleanliness (or dirtiness) and carrying all sorts of things. I usually have a seat because my stop is early enough on the bus' route, but I knew it was only a matter of time before I get clocked in the head with someone's bag.

It wasn't anyone's backpack, or one of those 20-pound man satchels with the laptop inside and maybe one or two cinder blocks. Thankfully it was just a gentle slap in the face from a lady's soft leather hand bag. I was asleep too so the moment that slap was delivered, my waking thought was: BUS NIGHTMARE #2!!!

Bus Nightmare #1, by the way, is me sitting by the aisle and someone walking on the aisle with their coffee cup and me getting a good dousing of Starbucks on my face.

Bus Nightmare #3 is related to a school bus incident from my elementary years back home. Our school bus wasn't exactly top-of-the-line. It wasn't even middle-of-the-line. It was a rickety metal thing with wooden shades for when it rained and once in a while there will be a missing metal plate on the floor. Don't ask me how, or why but one day, as the bus was running along, my shoe fell into that hole. It was recovered, thank you Manong.

So yes, I still have a small fear that I will get off the bus and have to head to work with one shoe missing... a backpack-shaped bruise on my face, and hair that smells like coffee. Can you blame me?



My little sister is in Brazil at the moment. It's a study-abroad sort of program. She's staying with a family of three sister, just like ours! She sent me an email that they attended Easter Mass late on Saturday night. And after Mass there was running on the streets, and music and celebration.

I can imagine her running like a headless chicken outside the Church and grabbing the instruments from musicians, and terrorizing children with a tuba in her arms and a trumpet in her mouth. Kidding aside, she's kind of, slightly, a little bit, sort of, craaazy but only in the best way possible. And my own study-abroad nightmare worries aside, I'm sure she's having an amazing experience.



Photo: faqs.org

Overheard

You know how the saying goes, little pitchers have big teeth. Which is why I like my pitchers small and my mugs large. Heeey!

Oh. That's not how the saying goes?

Anyway, I overheard this at a clothing store. Allow me to set this up. It was by a store entrance, a mother, let's call her Mildred, and her daughter, let's call her Hotshit, paused to comment on the merchandise.

Hotshit: I'm not even going in.

Mildew: Yeah. But this skirt is cute.

Hotshit: Soooo cute.

Sales Associate: Isn't it? It's very demure. Would you like to try it on?

Hotshit & Mildsauce in unison: Oh no, no. No, no. Oh gosh, no, no. It won't fit.

Mildress: The XS is too big for her. Too big.

Sales Associate: We also have an XXS.

Hotshit: It's still too big. Mom, look how BIG the size 2 is.

Mildred: My daughter's waist is a size 22... and yeah, even that size 2 might be BIG for me.

Nice. I've never encountered a skinny person who was so smug about being thin. And I hate to say this but the mother? Size 2? Too big??? Yeah, right, she was more like a 2+6.

And I'm sorry, but those two got me all riled up. If all they're going to do is hover at various stores' doorways and go yakkety-yak about too-big this and too-big that, maybe they shouldn't be shopping. Maybe, they should just go to Toys R Us and buy little doll clothes to put on her little doll body so she can bake a cake in her dollhouse oven.

Moving on.

Overheard: you know how in comic books, a character would laugh and the sound was, yuk yuk yuk.

I swear, I heard an actual laugh that sounded like that. Except it was closer to hyauk hyauk HYAAUUUK, with a shrug of the shoulders for each HYAAUUK.

Overheard: a cover of November Rain by a lady singer where she raps in the middle of it. It was weird. Though not as weird as my own anti-rhythm version of just about any song that was ever written in the history of the world.

This Behavior's Not Unique

You guys, March flew by and I didn't even realize that this blog turned a year old last month.

What I learned, a year later, is that everything has chains. Absolutely nothing's changed.

Just kidding.

I just wanted to drop some song lyrics on all of you. Plus, today, one of the local radio stations, 99.9 KISW, is paying tribute to Kurt Cobain and Layne Staley by playing Seattle music from the '90s. So it's been Sickman and I Don't Know Anything and Lithium and Slaves and Bulldozers and Corduroy all day.

That song. I've always visualized myself getting so, so enraged that I'd start borrowing lines from Corduroy. Picture this, me, finger-pointing, breaking and kicking houseware while saying, I don't want to take what you can give! I would rather starve than eat your bread! Blahblah... I don't want to be held in your debt. I'll pay it off in blood... More throwing and kicking.

Just to be clear, in that little vision, I am also wearing a scarf around my head and movie star sunglasses.

Speaking of being enraged, I am absolutely hooked on HBO's Mildred Pierce. I've only just seen bits of Joan Crawford's version so the miniseries is still new to me. That Veda! If that Little Miss Bitchface was a real person, she would make a compelling argument against having children.

Going back to April 5th, I love this old video of Alice in Chains, when they were young and looked happy:

Shopping (Mis)guide: Spring 2011 Edition

Hello, my footsies! I mean tootsies. Spring has started and that means our closets need an overhaul. And by overhaul I mean I need a carpenter to reattach a few rickety pieces. Just kidding. What I meant to say was, now is the time to start putting some winter clothes away and bringing out, or buying, warm-weather stuff.

Have you heard? Flared pants are back. In a way this is good. Our eyes need a rest from those damned skinny jeans and the people who insist on wearing them even if... hey! You! Yes, you! Everyone can see you're wearing a pair two sizes too small. There's no shame in going up a size!

So, where were we? Ah, yes. Flared pants. I suppose the secret here is finding a pair that is flared enough on top so that the narrow hem is more obvious.

Oh, what?

Sorry, my mistake. The hem is the one that's flared, not the crotch and thighs.

Shit. What am I going to do with this pair I just bought at oppositesonly.com?




Next on the list are color-block pieces. This, I like.

Who am I kidding? I don't like color at all. Up until I started working at a place where white and black clothing are strongly suggested, I never realized how many black pieces I had. And I'm sure I'm not alone when I say bright colors scare me. And anything resembling the color of a Stabilo Boss Highlighter? SCARY.

Trench coats? Must-have. Spy to wear trench coat? Even more of a must-have.



This is not a joke. I do actually want a trench coat. Just the classic khaki trench with maybe, muted/matte gold or bronze buttons, nothing too fancy or hardware-heavy, and definitely no flashy or oversized buttons. I don't need any leather-detailed ones or ruffled hems or quilted sleeves. Just a trench.

Here's an obvious one. Sandals. I swear, I am going to push sandal-season all the way into October. I don't care. I'm so ready for higher temperatures. The key to making your sandals look current is to find the most creative pair you can. For instance, you might choose one with a mix of clear and leather straps. Or, multi-colored ones. You know the one where there's a strap for your big toe?


Photo: Shoebunny


Forget that, get one where the strap is on an unexpected toe. Something like this:




And there you have it my darlings! Have fun shopping! XOXO

Get Outta My Way

Shoe update. The consensus is that the shoe I wrote about is the shoe. Goodbye, toes. I shall miss you. BTW, should anyone look under the table where I am typing, you'll see me wearing those shoes right now, doing my best to get my foot molded into it.



I wasted who knows how many minutes earlier today, looking for my glasses. I wish objects like that had some sort of device that made a sound when you prompt it too. I also wish I didn't need them. I mean, who needs to see people's facial expressions anyway? Or, bus numbers? Or, pedestrians? Or, the girl across the street wearing Uggs?

Can you tell, this entry has no theme? So I might as well be as random as random can be.

Watched Truffaut's Day for Night on dvd, as recommended by my best friend. So funny! That scene where Severine's drunk ass couldn't find the door and she kept opening the cupboard instead! And wow, a young Jacqueline Bisset - gorgeous.

How do you feel about the oxford comma, or, the serial comma? To be honest with you, I've forgotten about it. These days, I go by what sounds right when I say it in my head.

I had a dream the other night. I was in a packed arena, Aerosmith was about to start their concert. Suddenly, everyone was being ushered out of the building. Rumor has it the venue was way, way overbooked. They told some of us to head one way, and the rest, another way. The group I'm with, we were led into some broken down, open-air space where Aerosmith was playing... on the stereo! And from that space we could see the bright lights from the arena and the actual band playing. Oh, man, I think I've been watching too much American Idol.

Don't tell anyone, but Kylie Minogue's Get Outta My Way is making me get my inner disco on. I'm worried that I might find myself in a crowded area and instead of saying excuse me to get through, I'll start screaming, get outta my way, zombies! And then I'll do her dance moves and segue into I was born this we-hey. I WAS BORN THIS WAY, hallelooooo!



And finally, I don't know what to say, really, other than you are in my thoughts, Japan.

Shoe Woes

Ever had a clothing item or a shoe that was too big/ too tight/ too worn out but that you liked so much you kept wearing it? I just received the shoes me and my fellow bridesmaids ordered for my cousin's wedding and I am telling you, girl, is footbinding still being practiced? Because, that is the only way I can get this shoe to work. I knowingly ordered a half size smaller because my actual size was not available and I thought, half a size shouldn't be too tight, right? WRONG.

I mean, I probably need to cut salt out of my diet 2 weeks prior. Or, cut off my toes. Or, cut a hole in the shoe for more space. Or, paint the shoe on my naked foot.

Or, what? Order another shoe? I'm no quitter. Leave me alone.

Yeah. All right maybe this just isn't the shoe for us. Aside from the fit, the height of the heel is just, wow - the suffering. Maybe the other girls feel the same... the same pain on their feet, the same numbing, vise-like grip on the tips of their toes. Please.

Also, this song is stuck in my head:

Starring: BFF

I have a stiff neck. I'd just like to start with that. Just in case I stop typing in mid-sentence you know what to blame it on.

Photo Source: Zoozoom

My best friend had her big acting break recently. And this is a big shout out to her and the art of acting! Or the love of the craft of the art for the sake of art for the craft of love for the sake of.

We Skyped like giggly high school girls shortly after her shoot. She absolutely deserves that break. She is currently preparing for a lesbian role which might explain her sudden bursts into, look at Katy Perry's cleavage or, ZOMG Emily Blunt!!! The role, however does not explain why I usually overhear her reverting into infant-talk when she bamboozles her sister to do her bidding... a gwass of water pwease. But like I said, she's been juggling her passion and her need to make a living for several years now and things are looking up.

Acting though, isn't exclusive to actors. How many times have we acted/ lied to conceal the truth. I mean I try not to, but it's hard to tell someone who's excited about their newly-purchased, orthopedic-looking flip flops that those things are hideous. Instead I might say, they look comfy. Or, if the burning ball of rage is trying to escape from the pit of your stomach, and now is not the time and place for an explosion of volcanic proportions, then you keep it in and compose your face, right? Or is that bad? Surely it is common courtesy to keep your shit to yourself until a more suitable time. Unless of course you are literally not yet toilet-trained, in which case, go for it.

By the way. A bunch of roofing guys are working on a roof several roofs away from our house. Are they nuts?! It's below freezing and there's still a sprinkling of snow/ice everywhere.

Oh no no. Wait a minute. Sorry it was just a morning production of the Fiddler on the Roof by a new acting group, Roof Cabaret of Seattle (now showing at a rooftop near you). Oh, whoa okay, they're now singing If I were a Rich Man. Hey! Hey, Tevye! Bravo!

Back to acting. So, what I